||[Nov. 26th, 2007|02:12 pm]
I just officially resigned from Piney Woods Roller Derby. Madame Furie is no more.|
This may come as a shock to many of you, since I hadn't been talking or writing about roller derby in a while. Or maybe it's not so surprising, since I hadn't been talking or writing about roller derby in a while. The thing is, I've been feeling pretty ambivalent about derby for weeks now, maybe months. I never fully recovered from the split with NRG way back in June, I felt resentful about having to start from scratch after putting in so much work already, and while I still love the sport, the pure, unadulterated passion I once felt was missing.
And then there was the time issue. Roller derby takes up a lot of time. There's the time spent practicing and training, which was always my favorite. But then there is also the time spent at meetings, planning events, moderating discussion boards, creating promotional material, writing press releases, attending events, calling people on the phone, leaving messages, returning messages - the list goes on and on. The mental energy that running a roller derby league requires is not a feat for the faint of heart, and my heart? My heart has been faint.
Mostly though, the ups and downs of this past month have taught me some lessons. Sometimes I need to be selfish. I need more time to myself than I thought. And if I am going to live my Personal Legend, then I need to shut up, sit down, stop filling my life up with a thousand different distractions, and write a fucking book. I'm 25 years old. Jonathan Safran Foer wrote Everything Is Illuminated when he was 24. I don't know what this means, except that I love that book, and I love writing, and I have wanted to be an author since I was ten years old. And living your dream means making sacrifices. Roller derby is the first sacrifice I'm making, and I have a feeling it won't be the last. But it's okay. I'm not afraid. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm finally on the right path.
(cut and pasted from The New Me.)